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My Journey With Silver Rose

Life After Baby Loss – My Story

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By: myjourneywithsilverrose September 21, 2018

me, bump and loki

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20 week Pregnancy After Loss Update

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SILVER ROSE 🌹 From left to right. Beaus Easter bunny from last year, Beaus from this year Silvers from this year, Leilanis from thos year and Silvers from last year. We actually bought last years while she was still alive and we were truly hopeful of her making it. She was in NICU and I had just been discharged, we were living in Crawford House and Beau had come to live with us. We decided to go for a walk into Newcastle city and saw the blue and pink toys. We couldn't help but buy them, excited we had two living children and Silver was doing really well. 🌹 My heart breaks when I remember how hopeful we were, how well she was doing and how suddenly it all changed. Missing her so much at the moment 😭
It's funny how we make connections and associations with things you might not normally put together. I worked my arse off tonight, cooking for the first time in forever making vegan pho. It reminds me of Silver though, because when we've visited Newcastle since she passed away we always go to this little vietnamese place and one of the dishes we order is pho. It's the only place we've ever had this dish and were convince to try it after watching kkandbabyj for years and @khoa_nguyen boasting how good it is. He was right, vietnamese food is delicious and will forever remind me of where I have all my special memories of Silver, all the memories of her being alive. I like to incorporate things into my life that remind me of her. It sounds silly but guacamole is another one. I tried it for the first time ever in Newcastle the night before she was born and now I attribute my guacamole addiction to Silver and like to think of it as our last meal together before I was made nill by mouth the next day for my emergency c section. Grief comes in many shapes and forms and whatever you do that helps you cope is what you should be doing 💖💖
We just couldn't leave Silver Rose out at Easter. And how perfect that this character is aptly named Angel, perfect for my little angel in the sky. I've been struggling quite a bit with grief recently and started sleeping with Silvers blanket again. Yesterday was a lovely day but when it all came to an end I cuddled up and kissed her blanket, wishing she was still here. There will always be part of our family missing, a missing piece of my heart and that's always going to hurt no matter how much time passes by.
I lit two candles tonight. One to wish Adriana @all_for_adriana a very happy first birthday! And also because I haven't lit a candle for my own girl in a while. I feel incredibly guilty that my life has been so chaotic recently that I've neglected Silver a little so I wanted to make sure she knew I still love her deeply and shes always in my thoughts even if I don't always find the time to light her candles 💖
I received this orchid for Mother's Day last year, my first Mother's Day that was soon after we lost Silver. It has bloomed since them but I find it heart warming that 1 year later and buds were appearing, only for flowers to have emerged in the last few days. I really hope this is an orchid I can take good care of and it will thrive as it means so much to me 😍
DISNEY 🐘 I had promised Silver the day before she passed away that we would all be going to Disney Florida in 2023. Instead her little Sister will be taking her ticket I guess but I still want to spoil Silver as much as I can and involve her. So I recently placed a @shopdisneyuk order for Easter toys and treated her to this personalised cushion with her special animal/ character. We also got her a personalised Easter toy I'll share in a different post 👍

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SILVER ROSE 🌹 From left to right. Beaus Easter bunny from last year, Beaus from this year Silvers from this year, Leilanis from thos year and Silvers from last year. We actually bought last years while she was still alive and we were truly hopeful of her making it. She was in NICU and I had just been discharged, we were living in Crawford House and Beau had come to live with us. We decided to go for a walk into Newcastle city and saw the blue and pink toys. We couldn't help but buy them, excited we had two living children and Silver was doing really well. 🌹 My heart breaks when I remember how hopeful we were, how well she was doing and how suddenly it all changed. Missing her so much at the moment 😭
It's funny how we make connections and associations with things you might not normally put together. I worked my arse off tonight, cooking for the first time in forever making vegan pho. It reminds me of Silver though, because when we've visited Newcastle since she passed away we always go to this little vietnamese place and one of the dishes we order is pho. It's the only place we've ever had this dish and were convince to try it after watching kkandbabyj for years and @khoa_nguyen boasting how good it is. He was right, vietnamese food is delicious and will forever remind me of where I have all my special memories of Silver, all the memories of her being alive. I like to incorporate things into my life that remind me of her. It sounds silly but guacamole is another one. I tried it for the first time ever in Newcastle the night before she was born and now I attribute my guacamole addiction to Silver and like to think of it as our last meal together before I was made nill by mouth the next day for my emergency c section. Grief comes in many shapes and forms and whatever you do that helps you cope is what you should be doing 💖💖
We just couldn't leave Silver Rose out at Easter. And how perfect that this character is aptly named Angel, perfect for my little angel in the sky. I've been struggling quite a bit with grief recently and started sleeping with Silvers blanket again. Yesterday was a lovely day but when it all came to an end I cuddled up and kissed her blanket, wishing she was still here. There will always be part of our family missing, a missing piece of my heart and that's always going to hurt no matter how much time passes by.
I lit two candles tonight. One to wish Adriana @all_for_adriana a very happy first birthday! And also because I haven't lit a candle for my own girl in a while. I feel incredibly guilty that my life has been so chaotic recently that I've neglected Silver a little so I wanted to make sure she knew I still love her deeply and shes always in my thoughts even if I don't always find the time to light her candles 💖
I received this orchid for Mother's Day last year, my first Mother's Day that was soon after we lost Silver. It has bloomed since them but I find it heart warming that 1 year later and buds were appearing, only for flowers to have emerged in the last few days. I really hope this is an orchid I can take good care of and it will thrive as it means so much to me 😍
DISNEY 🐘 I had promised Silver the day before she passed away that we would all be going to Disney Florida in 2023. Instead her little Sister will be taking her ticket I guess but I still want to spoil Silver as much as I can and involve her. So I recently placed a @shopdisneyuk order for Easter toys and treated her to this personalised cushion with her special animal/ character. We also got her a personalised Easter toy I'll share in a different post 👍
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