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My Journey With Silver Rose

Life After Baby Loss – My Story

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By: myjourneywithsilverrose September 21, 2018September 21, 2018

Leilani letter 2

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20 week Pregnancy After Loss Update

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WOW! 🎉 My mind has literally been blown. Never did I think this would happen, I have been shortlisted @thebutterflyawards in the inspirational mother category. I battle my own mind every day with my borderline personality disorder and a common thing I struggle with is feeling like I'm not good enough. My children are so precious and in my eyes deserve the absolute best which I sometimes struggle to believe is me. I've been in very dark places over the years, losing Silver and my first mothers day without her being one of those moments. More and more recently I've actually felt a lot more positive though, I hate the fact we had to lose Silver for me to discover the strength I had and for me to learn how to love but I am so grateful to her. I fought my darn hardest and went through some scary shit to try and make sure she survived and I am actually really proud of that. Not only that but I then did the same for her rainbow sister Leilani who had IUGR and prematurity issues. 🎉 I've learnt that being a mum is hard, I've also learnt that being a mum doesn't always mean your baby stays. My family have told me through all my illnesses and difficulties they believe being a mum is the best thing I've done, I couldn't agree more. 🎉 Voting commences next month so I will share the link for you guys then so if you would like you are more than welcome to vote. It is a beautiful award ceremony dedicated to the baby loss community. I think it's fair to say all loss families are inspirational in their own way 💖
ANGEL 👼 As we were leaving Newcastle on Monday and crossing the bridge Beau randomly started saying "Look, there's an Angel". He doesn't know what Angel's are, but he knows you are one little girl and he obviously knew you were celebrating your 18 months with us 💖 🌈 This rainbow also appeared and I just know you were here with your family, surrounded by love.
18 MONTH BIRTHDAY 💖 I cut a rose from your garden just before we drove to your home town little geordie girl. As we stayed in Crawford House @thesickchildrenstrust once I was discharged I saw this park (Leazes park) every day looking from our window, situated just behind St James Park. We had planned to take Beau for a walk in this park and this probably would have been a life saver for us with Beau whilst you were in hospital. Unfortunately before we knew it you were gone, Beau went home with nana and grandad and we spent five special days on the NICU with you instead. 💖 Each time we've come to Newcastle we've planned to walk in this park. Yesterday we finally did it. It has a beautiful lake and play equipment. You would have loved it. We know you loved looking out the window, your oxygen sats were always better when facing the window! Unfortunately the flower somehow wilted by the time we got to the park but nonetheless we found a nice spot for you. Safe, out of the way and with a view of the lake. 💖 A difficult day, another missed milestone, a special day, just for you! 🌹
HAPPY 18 MONTHS MY LITTLE GEORDIE PRINCESS 🏰
ANNIVERSARIES 🦋 My bro and sister in law recently celebrated their first wedding anniversary which means 1 year since this photo. I would have loved to have seen you in this outfit little girl. You maybe weren't there in person but we made sure to include you as if you were 💙
VISITNG 👼 I noticed today one of the climbing Iceberg Rose's in Silvers garden is covered in flowers and buds. It looks like Silver came to visit and admire it too 😍

Instagram

WOW! 🎉 My mind has literally been blown. Never did I think this would happen, I have been shortlisted @thebutterflyawards in the inspirational mother category. I battle my own mind every day with my borderline personality disorder and a common thing I struggle with is feeling like I'm not good enough. My children are so precious and in my eyes deserve the absolute best which I sometimes struggle to believe is me. I've been in very dark places over the years, losing Silver and my first mothers day without her being one of those moments. More and more recently I've actually felt a lot more positive though, I hate the fact we had to lose Silver for me to discover the strength I had and for me to learn how to love but I am so grateful to her. I fought my darn hardest and went through some scary shit to try and make sure she survived and I am actually really proud of that. Not only that but I then did the same for her rainbow sister Leilani who had IUGR and prematurity issues. 🎉 I've learnt that being a mum is hard, I've also learnt that being a mum doesn't always mean your baby stays. My family have told me through all my illnesses and difficulties they believe being a mum is the best thing I've done, I couldn't agree more. 🎉 Voting commences next month so I will share the link for you guys then so if you would like you are more than welcome to vote. It is a beautiful award ceremony dedicated to the baby loss community. I think it's fair to say all loss families are inspirational in their own way 💖
ANGEL 👼 As we were leaving Newcastle on Monday and crossing the bridge Beau randomly started saying "Look, there's an Angel". He doesn't know what Angel's are, but he knows you are one little girl and he obviously knew you were celebrating your 18 months with us 💖 🌈 This rainbow also appeared and I just know you were here with your family, surrounded by love.
18 MONTH BIRTHDAY 💖 I cut a rose from your garden just before we drove to your home town little geordie girl. As we stayed in Crawford House @thesickchildrenstrust once I was discharged I saw this park (Leazes park) every day looking from our window, situated just behind St James Park. We had planned to take Beau for a walk in this park and this probably would have been a life saver for us with Beau whilst you were in hospital. Unfortunately before we knew it you were gone, Beau went home with nana and grandad and we spent five special days on the NICU with you instead. 💖 Each time we've come to Newcastle we've planned to walk in this park. Yesterday we finally did it. It has a beautiful lake and play equipment. You would have loved it. We know you loved looking out the window, your oxygen sats were always better when facing the window! Unfortunately the flower somehow wilted by the time we got to the park but nonetheless we found a nice spot for you. Safe, out of the way and with a view of the lake. 💖 A difficult day, another missed milestone, a special day, just for you! 🌹
HAPPY 18 MONTHS MY LITTLE GEORDIE PRINCESS 🏰
ANNIVERSARIES 🦋 My bro and sister in law recently celebrated their first wedding anniversary which means 1 year since this photo. I would have loved to have seen you in this outfit little girl. You maybe weren't there in person but we made sure to include you as if you were 💙
VISITNG 👼 I noticed today one of the climbing Iceberg Rose's in Silvers garden is covered in flowers and buds. It looks like Silver came to visit and admire it too 😍
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