Chances are you’ve already seen on my social media sites that we have now announced not only the gender for our little rainbow but also the name! I know my last pregnancy update was a pretty long one, according to my website it would take twenty one minutes to read! So I’ve decided there’s actually quite a few topics I can break down into smaller, less intimidating blogs for you guys. I definitely felt something as monumental as naming our rainbow warranted its own individual post.
In case it wasn’t completely obvious we are having a girl! The sonographer was 90% sure at our seventeen week scan and the same sonographer confirmed it at the eighteen week anomaly scan. In all fairness we couldn’t wait in between and took the 90% as pretty damn sure, so we did buy some girls clothes and accessories within this week. It may seem strange to some loss parents that we were so eager to buy for this baby, after all, we know all too well even healthy pregnancies don’t always mean a baby comes home. I’ve learnt that the hard way from connecting with a lot of stillbirth mums online. I know the anomaly scan came back fine but I’m always cautious and tend to say I’m preparing for a baby “hopefully” or “possibly” coming home, but I never say definitely. So why buy clothes? Because I never got to do it for Silver. I want to try and experience this pregnancy with positivity and hope and want the chance to nest and let myself believe a baby could be coming home in four to five months’ time.
I need to feel a reason to look forward to January because in all fairness part of me is dreading it. I’m dreading the fact it may only be a few days after I’ve given birth and celebrated a new life that I am then celebrating Silver’s one year birthday without her. I’m scared of how I will cope with her birthday so close to a time when my body will already be unsettled with lack of sleep and hormonal changes. I’m nervous in case I find the birth traumatic because of all the reminders of Silver, especially with the dates being so close. I need to find a way to turn this birthing into a positive experience for myself, Fabian and our little girl and I then need to find a way to still honour Silver’s birthday even if I have a tiny baby laid in my arms. One of the ways I’m doing this is allowing myself to slowly start gathering items we need. I’m also hypnobirthing most nights with Fabian to mentally prepare for birth.
Okay, it’s about time I actually talked about the name! I feel like I’m vlogging, I’ve captioned this blog and not even got to the subject title yet. Let me talk you through how we picked the name. As you can see from the image above, we have named our little girl Leilani Nevaeh. I had a huge list of names on my phone for both boy and girl but in all honesty both of us thought it was a girl and before we found out the gender we had a definitive girl name but no boy name. My mental health worker thinks this is sometimes a sign, if you can’t think of the name for one gender you are probably not having that gender. I just knew because I was, and still am sick as a dog, just as I was with Silver! To be honest Fabian was actual adamant it was a girl before me which I think is so cute that with Silver he was nervous of having a girl and was hoping for a boy but this time he’s fully embraced unicorns and girly things!
I will share with you a few boy names and why unfortunately even in the future despite me loving them we wont be using them. I love the names Ty and Arrow. Both of these don’t exactly go well when we have a son called Beau… I love those names individually but I also wouldn’t want my kids to have the piss taken out of them for me having named them Beau and Arrow for example… Another name I have loved for a really long time which basically Fabian wont let me use is Theodore, he hates it. I love the sound of it plus it was the cutest chipmunk in Alvin and the Chipmunks! I also like the fact it can be abbreviated to Teddy which I love too, who doesn’t love teddies? And if you want to be more serious it can be abbreviated to Ted or Theo. We have however reached a compromise on this name… When the day comes and I can afford to buy a Chow Chow dog which I have wanted since I was probably five or six years old then I’m allowed to call it Theodore. They cost minimum £1500 so that’s a long long way off! Pic below for your reference, it’s the perfect name for a red Chow am I right?
Let’s get back on track and talk about girl names. Looking at my list the first name is Nevaeh (although spelt wrong, I’ll get to that bit in a minute). There’s then a few suggestions of names with Nevaeh being the first. One name we did really love was Nevaeh Raine. I loved the fact Raine would not only signify this baby was a rainbow but I actually liked the fact that with Beau’s name it literally says rainbow! (Raine – Beau). So, Nevaeh was always a favourite of ours, after all it is heaven spelt backwards! I have since learnt from going into the labour ward that it is quite a popular name according to the midwives so I’m glad we decided on a much more unique first name instead.
Where on earth did Leilani come from? Well… I’m obsessed with Hawaii. I’ve never been but have always wanted to and I follow a beautiful vegan family on YouTube who live there (Ellen Fisher). They show the most stunning scenery and have a very down to earth natural life whilst home schooling their children. It’s the life I wish I had to bring my children up living instead of in the more industrialised lifestyle most are accommodated to in this country (I still also be home schooling though). I am very green fingered and love flowers and growing my fruit and veg, one flower I really love is the typical Hawaiian flower. I had no idea what it was called so I googled it. Plumeria! Yep, I was not going to be calling my child that, so it was back to the drawing board. I love lilies and iris’s but felt these were too common so instead I started looking more into general Hawaiian names.
Here is a few of the other contenders we considered: Ailani, Noelani, kaia, kailani, Naia and Lokelani. We looked into the meanings of each and fell in love with Leilani. Not only was it a beautiful name but we loved the meaning, heavenly flowers. It made us think of Silver up in heaven, after all her full name was Silver Rose. She is our heavenly flower who sent down this beautiful beloved rainbow and we fell in love with the name. It is so sentimental to us but we feel a truly beautiful name in its own right which hopefully she will be proud to use and be called. If we did ever feel the need to shorten it I think we would probably abbreviate it to Lani, which will probably be a lot easier for Beau to learn to say!
Oh and In regards to the spelling of Nevaeh, let’s just say we announced the name to my parents through a guessing game only to realise we had in fact been spelling it wrongly (Neveah)! How embarrassing! Its just so natural to put ea instead of ae as this is the typical order for those letters in most words. Thankfully our lovely friend at Creative Captures by Emma was able to quickly edit the announcement photo for us so we could then share the correct spelling and still announce on our fourth wedding anniversary. We thought the picture we chose was a perfect way to celebrate our four years together and the new life we have created and look forward to over the coming year. I also love the fact you can actually see a little dot on my hand if you look closely enough. I hope that mark never fades because that’s from the cannula drip I had during my C Section, so it feels like even in this picture Silver was still there and a part of it too.
You now know exactly where the name came from and what it means. Of course, we are unlikely to ever find anything with her name on in shops unless we actually go to Hawaii but we love our unique names! I am so excited to actually say her name out loud now and hopefully it will help me truly come to terms with the fact she is very much a different individual and I hopefully wont almost call her Silver again as I have done a couple of times. I am also pleased to say I now believe after doing some researching that Leilani is also a variety of the plumeria flower. A bright pink variety! So, in the end I did get to call her after one of my favourite flowers and she technically has got a “flower” name. This is a tradition within my family which is nice to keep going.
I can’t thank Creative Captures by Emma enough for all the amazing photography she has done for us over the last year. She helped us treasure our pregnancy with Silver with a maternity photoshoot and worked her magic on this pregnancy announcement, gender reveal and name reveal! She is so skilled and I can’t recommend her enough. She’s helped us make each and every moment special as we’ve gone through so many ups and downs and still wanted to make the most of every moment and give our all to both babies.
I hope you like our name choice and I am hoping to upload to YouTube soon the video of our name reveal to my parents which I can imagine will be rather comical considering we couldn’t even spell our own daughters name!
Until next time,