I decided I wanted to share a more positive story today. So as you may know, we lost our daughter on the 28th Feb. I had already been looking into Easter items for my sons Easter Basket. Now we don’t actually celebrate Easter, we are Pagan and celebrate Ostara. I haven’t actually been a practicing Pagan for a few years, you could say I’ve lost my way a little and simply allowed myself to become too busy with “Life”. I’ve held the same beliefs but not celebrated the 8 pagan festivities. This year however I was quite excited to share our beliefs with a toddler who is slightly more aware, although still not fully able to understand. The most exciting thing was knowing he could interact more and we would be able to do crafts and an egg hunt!
So for us we celebrated on the 20th March, the vernal equinox (1st day of spring). This is a celebration of fertility, rebirth and new beginnings so meant a lot to us this year. We had been shopping the day before with Beau in tow and found it to be a good distraction. We’ve found getting out of the house can be really helpful with us coping however it can be hard sometimes when you see triggers such as newborn babies or children’s clothing so having a point of focus helped with that issue. Once Beau had gone to sleep that night I put his basket all together ready for the next day. This was also helpful in a sense with the grieving process which tends to hit me on a night so having that distraction and positive activity made at least one night less painful.
I’ll tell you a bit about what he got in his basket, after all, for most people they haven’t celebrated Easter yet so it might give you some ideas if you have a toddler! We got him a big gift basket with a cute bunny on- simply because I liked the picture! And then a tin basket ready for his egg hunt. We bought him some bunny ears (ASDA), a bunny balloon (Tesco’s) and a light up bunny from Poundland (his Santa one has run out of battery). We got him two books, one from Sainsburys for £2.50 and one from another supermarket for £4. He got a bunny bubble tube from Tesco’s, a moo free vegan “bunnycomb” chocolate egg for £4 from morrisons (they’re 3 for £10). A spinning light thing? I have no idea what its called but they have them for £5 at Sainsburys and the one we got was about £2.50 from ASDA!! We got some stickers from Hobbycraft so we can make some “Easter” cards to give to family members when they celebrate, along with some squishy puppy stickers. We got the tissue paper, tree, fill-able eggs and decorations from ASDA, all at great prices! We also got an inflatable bunny hoop game from Tesco’s which was about £3.
The next day when Beau woke up we all went downstairs together and of course he went straight to his basket aka. gift bag. It was a joy to see his smile as he dug through all the tissue paper finding his gifts and then we tried to decorate his tree together. To be honest it was also quite handy that that morning Fabian had turned up to a driving course (for speeding 34mph in a 30mph zone) and forgot his ID so they sent him home and told him to re-book. So although that was a bit of a bump in the road it did mean that we got to spend the morning as a family instead which was nice.
Beau did actually get his main Ostara gift earlier than the 20th however. While Silver was alive and I had been discharged from the hospital we decided to venture into Newcastle and saw they had Easter plush toys at the Disney store. It was perfect! There was a Mickey in a blue outfit and Minnie in a pink outfit and they were half price. So we had to buy one Beau and one for Silver since this was their first Ostara together. It really meant a lot to me as I have fond memories of a trip to Disney Florida with my brother when I was younger and we both received Easter gift baskets. I got an Eeyore and my brother got a Winnie The Pooh. So I really wanted my children to be able to have this experience too. Unfortunately however Silver unexpectedly went downhill and we lost her so suddenly and sooner than we ever imagined. The day she passed away Beau was living with us at Newcastle in a charity house, so he had seen all the commotion that night and then got to meet her that day once she had passed. It was a beautiful moment and we chose this as the time to give them their toys together. So Beau got his Mickey mouse and Silver got her Minnie and that will always mean the world to me.
So I hope you enjoyed reading my story and perhaps it will inspire you to find a healthy way to distract yourself if only for a few hours to allow yourself a break from the grieving. Of course it will always be there but I feel self care is so important and if you are lucky enough to have other children its definitely worth cherishing and perhaps setting some time aside to spend with them doing something that can make you smile.
Until next time,