So I’ve decided to start a blog. To be honest, I really wish I’d done it sooner because I’ve already been on a very long difficult and amazing journey. For now I’ll simply cover the basics and perhaps go into more detail in some later posts.
I am 24 years old, married to Fabian in 2014, a 6 week miscarriage in October 2015 and conceive Beau Ryder a month later and delivered July 2016. The pregnancy actually wasn’t that tough, at least in comparison to my latest pregnancy. I had mild prenatal depression with Beau in my first trimester, which was a complete surprise as I’d never heard of prenatal depression before. However I do suffer borderline personality disorder and anxiety so in that sense it should have been expected. I barely had any morning sickness with Beau and my only complaint for that pregnancy was a trapped nerve in my spine which caused intense rib pain and numbness (which I still get!).
So my pregnancy with Silver Rose was a complete different story. I had awful nausea for the first 16 weeks. I’m not sure if this also contributed but with Silver my prenatal depression was extreme. I was very suicidal all through the first trimester and had to be re-referred to my psychiatrist (not that he really did anything!). With this pregnancy my only physical complaint was inner hip pain from very early on. We yet again decided we didn’t wish to know the gender and had had several good early scans. So going to our 20 week scan we expected all to be well. I wont go into too much detail now but lets just say things quickly went downhill from this day. There was multiple issues detected and with each further scan at Leeds and Newcastle the issues kept changing. We had further tests and discussed possible treatments but basically were told our baby was highly likely to pass away either whilst I was pregnant or shortly after birth.
We had a roller coaster pregnancy and tomorrow I will be 6 weeks postpartum after an emergency C section at 32 weeks and 6 days. We had an amazing 16 days with quite possibly the most determined feisty little baby that we were lucky enough to get to know and love.
Through this blog I want to now share my stories from my pregnancy, birth, NICU/SCBU and also now how I move forward in my life without Silver Rose and still with a ray of sunshine, my little boy. When we start trying again for another baby I also want to share my journey on here of how we feel emotionally parenting after loss as I can already imagine it will be an intimidating new venture.
Until next time,